I am writing this from my vulnerability, from the deepest part of me. I write mainly to heal myself. I write as an exercise to connect Spirit with all of the parts of me. I write to deepen on the project I have committed to: the cultivating and nurturing of My Self. Creating my Sacred Space within.
I desire to go on a journey on every level of my Being, to realize My Self. I have been fascinated about the chakra system lately and I feel that exploring it is worth it.
On my Saturn return I am understanding the power that comes with the awakening of “The Others” presence in my life, it is such a big expansion for me. As I acknowledge all of my inner work I am understanding that it doesn’t necessarily mean that I have created a sacred space for my Self. It means I know how, but it only makes sense when I open up to Others. To different realities. To other levels of Being, beyond myself.
This is big because I am entering to the paradigm that “Others make it real”, everything becomes real when you commit to someone, when you say you want to extend your ability to love to someone different than you and THAT is the big responsibility that Saturn is teaching me about.
The first stage
The first level of the chakra system is linked to the subject of SECURITY. And because I failed at being reliable for one of my dearest friends, I remembered that the chakra system is a way to find out which are the levels of certainty we have that support our reactions to life moment to moment. The destiny or destination, ideally, is to act upon consciousness and not from fear. You are awake when you choose how to approach and answer to the daily triggers that life throws at you. Your chakra system is alive and is responsive to your surrounding, to your ever changing circumstances.
And is at this level of understanding that exploring all of these levels of Being serves us. And by being willing to witness, accept and own where you fall short on your character and responses to life.
This chakra teaches me that even if my security is vital, being reliable to myself AND to others is also basic.
There are many ways in which we could relate security to shame, and there are many reasons why we could say that shame is what stops us from being in the flow of Love. It all has to do with confidence and trust in Love. I have been asking myself how to connect back again with the flow of love when your security system is threatened and you don’t know how to react to it?
Security is linked to our personality, our needs, wants and fears. So it is easy to drown in the vice of shame and just simply believe we are flawed.
I feel that just giving a little look at this level show me what I am automatically prepared to face and also show me all of the surfaces, the skin, of SECURITY that I have not yet reached, touched or considered.
To me Practicing Spirit is opening the heart to consider. And to consider “The Other” so that I really learn generosity.
So I broke one dear heart, and I could access a deep wound of mine that needs Love. Not her Love, although that would be just beautiful, but my own complete and total Love. And even if I wished I could have faced all of this differently and given her my best (because I proclaim I want to live my best self and be in a conscious relationship with myself) I know the circumstance is perfect because it mirrors unequivocally which is one of my biggest conflicts in this base chakra. I am praying for Grace and restoration in her heart. And I am here doing my work to mend my Soul.
The pain of not matching the higher place where “The Other” is waiting for you to meet you at is very deep. And I feel the pain at a Core or Soul level. And I know I can’t simply allow myself to fail into self-deception. I am to meet Spirit and let Spirit meet me, no matter how hard I fall. The point of the practice of Spirit is to rise, no matter what or when.
Her heart reminded me of a deep question of mine: when I am on my own my Practice of Spirit is much easier to go through and surrender to it, when I am with others it becomes more complicated. And the only reason I set myself for deception, was because I knew that my medicine lies on practicing on being with others and that requires being aligned not only in motivation but as a complete being. Wholeheartedly. Beyond the “understanding” of it, more like a “landing” of it in every simple way.
But my wound is so raw and open right now that I couldn’t even get to that point.
I felt I betrayed her heart and my own heart as well, and I know that this is the temptation of my Ego trying to convince me I won’t ever make it, that I won’t ever be reliable. Yet when I think about my kung fu, my tools to practice Love, then I come back to Love. I remember to dance, to celebrate, to work out and be the playful warrior (instead of the wounded warrior), to breathe, to journal, to connect with a crystal or an angel, to pray or do EFT.
Part of creating a proper Sacred Space is to own my belief that I can Love again. And that I can love so much that there is no difficulty bigger than that Love. (That is my Mother’s gift to myself, this pearl of wisdom). And I connect to love in these ways. And I don’t need to “hide” on my Practice. I don’t need to mend my Self in private all of the time. I can find ways to recalculate the route and keep the bonding of Love. This is very deep because at the end of the day my certainty is that my security lies on the Divine, therefore connecting back to my Highest Guide should not be linked to shame but to strength.
How to hold the best space when the monsters arises as our security is threatened?
I still don’t have answers to my questions, and this is not a Blog on answers but on opening better questions (for you and for myself) so that we can give a thought on how we are going to find our own medicine and Truth. And then trust it and apply it. Anyways I have a nice place where I tend to post more of my revelations and inspirations… and that is Instagram!
I know Vulnerability is one of the greatest gifts of this level of Self. And I commit to step out of the analysis and just feel it completely through my tools, with all conviction, faith and devotion, beyond confort until… I know what I need to own.
So I invite you to:
Move through your truth while you explore your first chakra. Check in with you which are the current responses to life that you don’t like completely and offer them a Greater Love and real Grace HAVING FUN. Practice until the Sacred Space is so strong you only need a few breaths to come back to it, in the presence of anybody.
Celebrate your certainties and let go of old fears that create more drama from other life trauma!
With all of my commitment to my Self,
Laura del Mar A